One of those days

Hard to get up and go days,

Hard to put on that smile

To just feel normal days.


Feeling the air press against me days,

Feeling like I’m not awake

Like I can’t find my center days.


Seeing the darkness days,

Seeing my own frailty

The horror of separation days.


Finding you with me days,

Finding you gentle

Finding you listening

Finding you solid ground

Finding you here

Finding you loving me

Finding you with me days.

Pain demands to be felt.

tfios“Pain demands to be felt.” This quote from the film The Fault in our Stars had me ugly crying a couple nights ago. I’ve never been a fan of pain, whether that’s the migraines that feel like nails pounding into my brain, or recently, processing the death of a good friend. I’d rather just medicate. Pop some pills, turn on Netflix, and disengage.

I can’t answer why it is that we need to feel pain. I’m still half in denial myself that we do. But pain seems to cause a whole different sickness, quite separate from the physical manifestation. Unfelt, unprocessed, it festers in our souls, making us capable only of attempting to shut it out. But, truth? That attempt is too exhausting to keep up while also trying to live. So, I’m choosing to feel my pain not because I’m courageous, but simply because I am tired. I’m tired of holding up the façade that I’m unaffected, or even more dishonest, that I’m happy with the way some things go. As comfortable as it is sometimes to smile and pretend, I’m confident hopeful that transparency brings life and intimacy.

Here’s to feeling everything. Fully. Let’s do this!